May 2012
24 posts
I wonder if Daniel Radcliffe imagines himself as...
totally-relatable:
Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England.
An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere
Tumblr: You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
4 tags
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thatsoratchet:
i am ready to find my soulmate so i made a profile on okcupid.com
2 tags
youmovedmekurt:
So, I was trying to text my friend to “stay strong”.
I accidentally typed “stay strog”.
And it autocorrected to “stay stroganoff”.
I just told my sad friend to remain a Russian dish of sautéed beef.
1 tag
2 tags
April 2012
23 posts
when i have "that talk" with my kids one day
rachelvalentine:
brb dying
this needs to be in every sex ed textbook
1 tag
3 tags
People who get into the express checkout lane when...
Reblog if you know who Smitty Werben Jager Man... →
the-absolute-best-gifs:
He was numberone.
CAN YOUR MAC DO THIS? DIDN’T THINK SO.
TEAM...
2 tags
Ladies and gentlemen, I present the French number...
france: ten
france: twenty
france: thirty
france: forty
france: fifty
france: sixty
france:
france:
france: sixty ten
world: france what are you do—
france: four twenties
world: france stop it
france: four twenties ten
world: france that doesn't even make any sense
france:
france:
france:
world:
france:
world:
france: hundred.
3 tags
I watched Sherlock for the first time last night
I’ve been meaning to for a while, but never got around to it. but last night I FINALLY watched the first episode.
initial reaction: “holy crap, why did I not watch this sooner”
followed by: “Benedict Cumberbatch is the sexiest thing since sex *3*”
When I found out Rick Santorum dropped out of the...
recentrandomness:
chinesebananas:
（哈哈哈。。。 我也怕用烤炉！）
日本南瓜象很好吃！我想试一试。
我最喜欢得东西是猕猴桃。有一点贵，可是非常好吃！C:
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猕猴桃是长什么样？是甜甜的吗？还是酸的水果？我很喜欢吃水果。*_*
是甜甜的，也是一点酸。
I don't want to impress you but, I can cook 2... →
3 tags
language nerd problems
so I’ve been noticing that the more Mandarin that I learn…
the more sucktastic my (spoken) English gets. XD
…. I should just give up on English altogether. it’s a silly language, anyway.
my friends: omg there's these two guys who say they really like me but i don't know which one to choose! i mean the first one is soo hot but the other is really cute! eugh my life is so hard
me: sometimes i find it hard deciding what pizza topping i want
I need to vent a bit.
I swear, it seems like whenever I really want something, everything that can go wrong, does.
it’s like the universe is all, “oh, you want to go on a study abroad trip? here, let me make your passport disappear 2 MONTHS BEFORE YOU’RE SCHEDULED TO LEAVE HAHAHA”
of course, this wouldn’t be nearly as bad if my family and I weren’t in such a terrible position...
March 2012
34 posts
